MSG - What happens to me?
It has been a long time since the last entry. There were actually some attempts to write, but they all were not published because they were no more than just fragmented ideas in my confusing mind. Never before has life been so uneasy and restless since that time. It is like swimming in the middle of nowhere of an ocean. No matter how hard I try, I am moving neither away from anything that I am giving up, nor towards anything that I am pursuing. What happens to me?
I did make a long journey. It was so far a distance that I could no longer ride to you, even just to say hello and accompany you home after work. It was also so long a time that I feared your memories of me were dying away. On top of that, we even had talks about ending what is between you and me. I was so scared and desperate. Sometimes I hate myself for letting you wander too deep in my heart, and sometimes I hate this life for causing so many a pain. I should have hated you also, but it did not occur. What happens in my mind during that time, and now, is that I could never stop thinking of you - with a mixed feeling.
Every day, I think about you
All the time, crazy for you.
Tell myself, again and again
I'll be patience but then
I feel you, deep in my heart.
Sell my soul, for just one part.
Could it be, ohh ... that is there
After all you say to me
Sometimes patience can bring about a fruit of some kinds; sometimes patience simply turns someone into an empty-headed clown. It may be a good reason to wait for something, though just a promise, but it is quite ridiculous to struggle for something without the lightest idea whether it exists. Sure they will laugh at me when they know that I am giving up everything just to follow a fantasy in which only I crazily believe. Moreover, I am fighting alone. No one is on my side, even you, the only one ever claimed to be my close friend. No comfort. No support. No guideline.
You broke my confidence
Took it all, what can you see
It makes no difference to you, it seems
What happens to me?
Confidence... Again and again I needed to rebuild my confidence to continue living in this fantasy of mine. Years ago, I did not have enough confidence to talk to you; now when I do, you break it. Just do it if you have to, when we have different goals to follow. You won't care, and it won't make any difference to your life - that what I know.
Every day, I wake without you
One more way to think what is true
Live goes on, what else can I do?
You're not here, you don't need me.
... While the fantasy gives me hopes to live on, life, in contrast, overwhelmingly depresses me and forces me back. But I must live on and live for the course I chose, though you're not ever with me and do not ever need me...
You broke my confidence
Took it all, what can you see
It makes no difference to you, it seems
What happens to me?
In spite of all the restlessness and pains, I just will not surrender from this war – even just to get more serious wounds. The reason is that, without this, life to me is meaningless, and I've got enough of this in so many years just trying to kill the time. Now I'm so happy to have someone to fight for - the only one who could make me happy. This belief has put me back on my feet, and continues to guide me out of this miserable life. Thank you for what happens to me…
Every day when I think about you
Like a prayer to a child is new
In my thought, you'll always be
the only one could make me happy...
Inspired by this song:
Lyric:
Every day, I think about you
All the time, crazy for you.
Tell my self, again and again
I'll be patience but then
I feel you, deep in my heart.
Sell my soul, for just one part.
Could it be, ohh ... that is there
After all you say to me
You broke my confidence
Took it all, what can you see
It makes no difference to you, it seems
What happens to me ?
Every day, I wake without you
One more way to think what is true
Live goes on, what else can I do ?
You're not here, you don't need me.
You broke my confidence
Took it all, what can you see
It makes no difference to you, it seems
What happens to me ?
Never have to worry, didn't need to care
Said you really love me, but you're not there
Every day when I think about you
Like a prayer to the child is new
In my thought, you always be
the only one could make me happy
You broke my confidence
you took it all, what can you see
Makes no difference to you it seems
What happens to me?
